You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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