Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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