I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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