youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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