the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
