My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
