Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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