Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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