My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
