we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
