youre lurking in front of me
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
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