dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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