i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
