The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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