You're my little dorito
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
