Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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