I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
