Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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