I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
