We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
