one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
