Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
