I just pynch a tree in the face
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
how drunk are you?
Several
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
