and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
