So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
