Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
