You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
