areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
