Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
