Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
