Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
