well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
