At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
