I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
