this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
birth control should be required to get into college
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
