Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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