No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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