drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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