Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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