just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
