I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
