if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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