It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
