Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
