if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
