Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
