Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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