Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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