Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
