Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
