we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
