Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
